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10 Mistakes

I was interested to read the recent post from Good Goog.  Good Goog’s author, Zoey, quotes from an article on Lifescript titled, 10 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make. Here is the list I like to call the Guilt Trip List:

  1. Sharing a bed with baby.
  2. Putting your child to bed with milk or juice.
  3. Buying second-hand toys or baby furniture.
  4. Showing your child “smart baby” DVDs.
  5. Putting kids in the basket of a shopping cart.
  6. Sharing utensils with your child.
  7. Delaying or avoiding vaccines.
  8. Leaving your child alone in the car “just for a minute.”
  9. Skipping helmets on tricycle rides.
  10. Leaving your child alone in the bath or shower.

I’m giving myself an epic FAIL. Epic, epic FAIL. F-A-I-L. I’m not advocating irresponsible parenting but I think this list is, well — ridiculous.  Sharing utensils?? Second hand toys???  Seriously?? 

I’ve been thinking about some mistakes parents make (and what I have learnt from my own mistakes).

This is the list I like to call the Heart Attitude List:

  1. Not taking time to listen to your child.
  2. Taking your anger out on a child.
  3. Judging your child on another person’s child or standard.
  4. Not allowing your child to be themselves.
  5. Forgetting a goodnight kiss and cuddle.
  6. Failing to invest in nurturing discipline.
  7. Missing the ‘love the moment’ moments.
  8. Failing to say sorry.
  9. Not saying “I love you” everyday — in fact several times a day.
  10. Pushing a child to pursue your unfulfilled dreams.

The Lifescript list has missed the mark, mostly because it has been attacked from above rather than dealing with the source.  Like if you have an infected abscess; no matter how many band aids you but on, it’s not going to get better.  It needs to be dealt with from below the surface.  In the same way, if you create a Guilt Trip List for parents, mistakes can still fester.  Rather, if parents set their own Heart Attutide List to encourage the nurturing of each child as an individual (for who God made them to be), it’s a given parents will take measures to keep their children safe.  The Heart Attitude List deals with mistakes that can carry through a child’s life into adulthood; mistakes, if repeated over and over again, can create a myriad of scars that never really heal.

Be a parent who attacks mistakes of the heart, not the skin. Make yourself a Heart Attitude List not a Guilt Trip List.

Read my post on nurturing discipline.

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40 Comments

  • Reply
    Zoey @ Good Goog
    June 6, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    I love your list Kelly! And by your standards (and mine) I’m doing a much better job than by the Lifescript list.

    I’m a big believer in saying sorry. I think it’s a wonderful way of teaching kids to say sorry instead of just making them say it.

    And I have my own ‘good goog’ tag. I’m honoured!

  • Reply
    BookChook
    June 6, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    Luckily, I never knew enough to feel guilt about some of those things on the Lifescript list. Even luckier, I still don’t! I am amazed that anyone would think it “wrong” to buy secondhand gear for a baby. To me, it is plain good sense and helpful to the planet to recycle resources. And I still can’t think of a reason not to put a little one into a shopping trolley so long as you are right there with them. Enlighten me please.

    Your list is lovely, Kelly. And not just for our kids, but our partners too.

  • Reply
    Marla
    June 6, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    I’m not a parent yet, but I strongly support your list. 🙂

    Marla @ http://www.asthefarmturns.wordpress.com

    • Reply
      Kelly Be A Fun Mum
      June 6, 2010 at 7:15 pm

      Hi Marla,

      I’m glad you liked my list. I’ll pop over and say hi at your blog.

  • Reply
    SquiggleMum
    June 6, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    Liking your list better…

  • Reply
    Janet
    June 6, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    Right on Kelly – your list is one I am much more interested in living up to than that other one …

  • Reply
    Elise
    June 6, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    I am perplexed as to how some of the things were even considered for the first list.

    This certainly is a thought provoking topic.

  • Reply
    Alissa
    June 6, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Love the heart attitude list… So much more uplifting and gets to the source. Thanks for another wise and inspiring post.

  • Reply
    Mrs Woog
    June 6, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    One out of ten – I never showed my kids Brainy DVD’s. Does that make me mother of the year?? xo

    • Reply
      Kelly Be A Fun Mum
      June 6, 2010 at 8:11 pm

      LOL, well you’ll have to fight me for it cause I’m the same. I was like Brainy DVD! That’s the only thing out of the list that I haven’t done and that is probably the most benign.

  • Reply
    Ash
    June 6, 2010 at 3:18 pm

    I love your list Kelly. In fact I think I’ll print it out and put it on our fridge. The first list is mostly safety issues but there are definitely some there that I don’t agree with. We co-sleep every now and then and its very special to us, and as for buying second-hand toys…its saved us a fortune! Thank-you for your beautful list.

  • Reply
    Amanda Burrow
    June 6, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    Um like your list but should number 10 read ‘pushing a child to pursue *your* dreams. I assume you mean *their* dreams.

    • Reply
      Zoey @ Good Goog
      June 6, 2010 at 6:28 pm

      @Amanda Burrow, I think she’s talking about living your dreams vicariously through your child as a mistake.

      • Reply
        Amanda Burrow
        June 6, 2010 at 6:37 pm

        @Zoey @ Good Goog, Yes sorry! Sorry Kelly! My only excuse is I am sleep deprived with sick kids. Glad everyone got it but me!

        • Reply
          Kelly Be A Fun Mum
          June 6, 2010 at 7:06 pm

          lol Amanda.. Zoey’s right on what I meant. My fault, I didn’t word it very well. I’ve change it slightly so I hope it makes more sense now…

  • Reply
    Julie
    June 6, 2010 at 8:19 pm

    Yep, I’m a big failure on list #1 as well (especially #3, 5 and 6!) I have also failed on list #2, and my failure on the “heart attitudes” list is much more of a concern to me than failing on the first list. Thanks for all these wonderful reminders. I also went back and read your “nurturing discipline” post. I LOVED it! Such a great summary of so many things that I have been reading and thinking. I really want to be a mum like you when I grow up Kelly!

    • Reply
      Kelly Be A Fun Mum
      June 6, 2010 at 9:44 pm

      I’ve failed on list 2 too but it’s something I aspire to (there are a lot of different tos in that sentence). The fail on List 1 was not quite so epic as my fail mark on List 1.

      I’m glad you read the discipline post. I put a lot of thought into that one. It was great for me too, to get it clear in my head (I like writing for that reason).

      Thank you for your sweet comment Julie. I think you are a very special person. I look forward to your posts.

      Talk soon. xx

  • Reply
    Katherine
    June 6, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    Your list is MUCH more appropriate 🙂

    What the heck is wrong with second hand toys?

    • Reply
      Kelly Be A Fun Mum
      June 6, 2010 at 9:38 pm

      your guess is as good as mine.

      • Reply
        Colin Wee
        June 7, 2010 at 1:48 am

        @Kelly Be A Fun Mum, That’s what I asked too. Apparently the reasoning is that second hand el cheapo toys may have been recalled and that they might be hazardous for your children. Colin

  • Reply
    Michelle
    June 7, 2010 at 11:03 am

    Oh, mark me off for everything on the first list!
    I’d much rather focus on attitudes of the heart.
    xx

  • Reply
    Katie Everyday Mum
    June 18, 2010 at 5:19 pm

    Love, love, love this post Kelly. You hit the nail right on that head.

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