Terrible Mother Moments

Terrible Mother Moments (TMM): I’ve had quite a few of them in my parenting career and I expect to have many more. I’ll the share two on my mind.

Terrible Mother Moment 1

I put an egg in my daughter’s lunch box.  It was in the “boiled” part of the fridge but when she came to peel the egg, it wasn’t boiled. As it was the first thing she took from her lunch box, it went EVERYWHERE, all over EVERYTHING and she didn’t have anything to eat all day. Poor, poor baby. So sorry honey.

Terrible Mother Moment 2

I was late to a Mother’s Day event at my daughter’s school because I forgot.  When I eventually got there, my daughter was crying because I wasn’t there.  All the mothers were sitting down at a beautifully set table and, as I sat down with them, I almost burst into tears.  My daughter ran to serve me and I forced myself to eat, even though I felt like vomiting. I felt TERRIBLE that I had let my daughter down. Afterwards, I cried and felt like the worst mother on the planet.   I heard some bad news and I admit it clouded my thinking so I forgot the appointment with my daughter. My heart broke for you sweetie.

Sometimes I’m overwhelmed with feeling that I’m a “bad” mother.  This leaves me three choice. I can:

1. beat myself up about it;

2. make excuses; or

3. accept the mistakes and grow, as a person and as a mother.

My own mother encouraged me to be a number 3 girl and I’ve taken this approach to my parenting too.  The “learn and grow” concept is great; however, in reality, emotions need to be processed and hurt has to to heal.

This is what helps me:

Talk

Talking about my TMM makes me feel better; feedback gives me ideas on how to change and grow; and verbalising allows me to confront my mistakes:  “Yep, I stuffed up.”

I talked about the egg episode and friends offered me wonderful advice. I now draw faces on hard boiled eggs with a special message on the back.  If I hadn’t talked about it, chances are I wouldn’t have done the fun egg-faces thingy.  What a shame! Now I have something good to remember about the incident. 

Remember

I sat on the floor at a friend’s place, feeling overwhelmed.  She asked me to think about some of the triumphs or Proud Mother Moments (PMM) as I call them. Two such moments can be found here and here. When Terrible Mother Moments happen they can seem VERY big. However, in the scheme of things, it’s just a small missed stitch in the tapestry and can often be mended.  I believe it’s the repeated wilful not-talked-about mistakes that tear holes in the masterpiece.  To avoid this, reconciliation must be a priority.

Reconcile

Saying the word “Sorry” isn’t enough.  I think a true reconciliation includes an intent to change; to make things right.  That’s what I tell my kids {practice what you preach Kelly}.  I find my children to be immensely forgiving of my stuff ups and there is no lasting resentment (so far). I believe one key is the choice to learn from mistakes.

Learn

I’m not organised when it comes to writing events in my calendar.  I rely very much on my mental ability to remember things {how stupid}.  This is something I need to change and be more disciplined about so I’ve been working hard to find a system that works for me {still learning this one}.  I was disappointed at myself for letting my daughter down at the Mother’s Day event because I knew it was something I could have avoided if I was more organised. Live and learn. Live and learn.

I don’t think Terrible Mother Moments break a mother-child relathionship. Rather it’s allowing resentment to breed which grows into bitterness. Terrible Mother Moment happen so I:

I’m glad to say through all my Terrible Mother Moments, my children still love me and like to be with me.  That has to count for something.