Pushing too hard. And not enough.

“Can I buy something at the tuckshop Mum?” Scottie (7) asked. Today was the day she was going to have a special morning tea with the principal for excelling at her school work. 

“I’ve already packed your lunch but, yes, I’ll give you $2 to spend at the tuckshop on whatever you like…as a treat.”

“But how will I know what I can buy at the tuckshop if you haven’t written it on a bag?”

“Well, you’ll have to think about the money you have, and strategies on how to work that out.”

She looked a bit unsure.

“Honey, if you’re old enough to go to the tuckshop and buy something, you’re old enough to work out what you can buy. You may like to ask someone at the counter to point out what you can afford with the money you have. You may like to look at the menu and find the items under $2 yourself. Just think about it hey?”

In the afternoon I was interested about how she went.

I could have sat down with the menu and gone through everything she could buy and written it down so she was prepared but I decided not to. I’ve learned, over the course of my parenting career, the value of NOT  constantly micro-managing my children. Plus, knowing my daughter as I do, and understanding her need for independence and confidence played a part in the decision too.

That afternoon, she happily told me about her trip to the tuck-shop. 

“The food was set out in sections. Some under $2. Some under $1. So I knew what I could buy.  Here’s the change Mum.”

Sometimes I push independence on my children too hard. And then sometimes I control my children too much.  I rarely get the balance right. Who knows where the balance line is on these matters where there are a lot of variables to consider?  Scottie was right well pleased about the experience, even though she hadn’t done it before.  Perhaps, a win?

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