Getting Off the Merry-Go-Round

“You look cute sitting up there.” My husband was trying to engage me with the words. As I looked him from my crossed-legged position on the kitchen bench, I felt even more depressed. He reached down to take another plate from the dishwasher and shook the excess water into a teatowel. I should have unstacked the dishwasher hours ago, I thought. I could have, but had been in a rut all week and could feel myself sinking into a hole.

“I’m on a merry-go-round Matt. I’ve have so much on at the moment. It’s got to the point where I feel like I can’t do anything, and then everything piles up and I feel worse! And I get so engrossed sometimes and I don’t organise myself well enough to get everything done.” I put my hand under my chin, my elbow resting on one knee. I’m sure I looked like a pouting twelve-year-old.

He put the dish down on the bench, came close and rested his hands, one on one knee, and the other encircling the elbow still resting on the other knee.

“It’s been a big week — and I know I haven’t been around which doesn’t help — but you need to set boundaries on your time. You can’t do everything.”

“I know! I so know. I feel like I need a plan to get me back on track. Perspective, you know?” I sat a little straighter.

We chatted a bit longer about some changes we could both make with how things were at home.

You see, this isn’t the first time I’ve been on a merry-go-round: the seemingly endless turn of unedifying events or behaviours that spin around so I can’t see where to get off. It happens when I constantly focus on the negative side of my children’s behaviour; when I’m feeling down; when I have too many late nights; after a tough couple of months; when I’m feeling tired because of sickness; when I make unwise health choices; when I focus too much on perfection; when I’m reactive when interacting with my husband and children; when I’m self-centred; and like now, when I’m too busy. All those green links, are some of the (many) different of merry-go-rounds I’ve been on. Some are small — like when I have a very-tired day — and some are big whopping ones that seem so huge, they engulf your life, like depression. Some are because of poor choices and some happen from circumstances out of my control. One thing I’ve learned about ALL merry-go-rounds is you HAVE to make the CHOICE to GET OFF.

That’s the first step: to decide. To decide to get off the merry-go-round.

The next step is to work out how to get off. In my experience, it can take a little while. The first thing is to find some perspective.

Perspective

I’m not off my current merry-go-round yet but I did something after that chat with my husband to give me perspective. The next morning I devoted my undivided attention to my son. I do spend a lot of time with him but we are usually busy doing something — you know? There’s nothing like spending a day watching a child to give you fresh focus. They see the important things in life so clearly.

We headed out to an environmental centre, did three puzzles together, looked at animal displays, drew together, read a book, and went on a bush walk. Four wonderful hours of doing things at HIS pace. We stopped to look at the stick on the ground. We looked at the crab display 5 times. We talked about EVERY butterfly we saw. We stopped to look at the boats, listened to the sound of the water and felt the breeze on our face.

{piggy-back}

{looking at the shadows dance as the tree branches moved in the wind}

{sitting down for half an hour watching the boats pass}

{taking it slow and stopping every few metres}

Ah yes, little things are so important. It’s so tempting to fill my life with so much stuff that doesn’t hold value.

Geting Off the Merry-Go-Round

Getting off is different each time but there are things I always do to help me refocus.

I pray — for wisdom

I talk to someone — I trust (usually my husband, my sisters or a close friend)

I get perspective — to remember what is important

I be proactive — and seek edifying ways to live

I learn

I grow

I change

Reality

I love doing a lot of different things. It’s part of who I am and it’s right for me. I’m always going to be that person who runs around one minute and takes a quiet moment to look at the flowers the next. I’m sort of sporadic like that. It’s part of what makes me, me. However, when I busy myself too much so that everything is a chore and I don’t take the time to notice the flowers, I know I’ve stepped on another merry-go-round. So, I’m getting some perspective; I’m cutting down; I’m slowing down…until I find the balance again.

{merry-go-rounds can be fun at first, but when they spin too long and fast, things get blurry and I feel sick.}