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Memory Anchors

I’m feeling low today, and it’s hard to shake. I have a stash of tools I use on days like this, like getting out of the house and stopping for a coffee, but today, I feel heavy.

Yesterday marked 6 years since my mother died, at age 51, from cancer. The anniversary of my mother’s death is not sadder than any other day since she’s been gone. No. But I focus more on her, and both hurt and joy comes with that.

Today, my heart is crying. It’s the silent aftermath of grief revisited…yet yesterday was a very happy one; joyful and not sad.    I met with all my sisters, and we spent the day together, reminiscing, laughing, eating and shopping. Mum would love that…that we made an effort to be together.

sisters

As I sat at my mother’s grave, I took a moment to recall, just one memory.

I was in my late teens and Mum and Dad spontaneously decided to go to attend the Caboolture Show. My other three sisters did their own thing that day so it was just Mum, Dad and I.

Nothing extra ordinary happened but it stuck in my mind; there was a lovely togetherness.  We walked around the stalls, drank tea in the tea room, ate an amazing German sausage hot dog and talked about plants. I remember it all so clearly, because of how it made me feel. For years after the show, Mum and I talked about the day because it was so special.

As I sit and write this, I can feel what I felt then: a sense of belonging that kept me in good stead as I continued to mature into womanhood.

This encouraged me. This is what we do as parents. We nurture, we encourage, and we give memory anchors for our children to draw on for the rest of their life. There’s comfort in that thought.

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8 Comments

  • Reply
    katepickle
    July 22, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    ‘memory anchors’… I love that term and that idea…. my big kids are outside now climbing up the tree onto the roof of the chook house. I was going to go tell them not to do that… but really… what’s the worst that could happen? A broken leg or arm if they fall maybe. And what’s the best that can happen? They’ll make memories that will last them a life time and anchor them soundly for the days when they need it most.

    thank you.

  • Reply
    Squiggly Rainbow
    July 22, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Absolutely – how precious. I wish I had more memory anchors that were positive. Blessed. xx Rach

  • Reply
    Veronica @ Mixed Gems
    July 22, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Memory anchors are a lovely concept. Thank you for sharing that. And it is a beautiful ritual that you and your sisters have. xo

  • Reply
    Allan Long
    July 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Well love thankyou for more tears but they are good tears,now that you talk about that day i remember that day also with you and Mum we did have a great day with each other. Correct me if i am wrong i think mum and i brought the food dryer that we used at home all the time remember the dried bannas they never lasted long once you girls knew they wre around. Thankyou for that memory we have so much to be thankful for, looking forward to seeing you in a couple of weeks Love Dad.

    • Reply
      Allan Long
      July 23, 2012 at 7:03 pm

      This is beautiful Kel and Allan Lv Donnaxxxxxxx

    • Reply
      Kelly Be A Fun Mum
      July 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

      YES! We did buy the food dryer. And the couple were so lovely, and they had their son with them with special needs and they were such a lovely family. xx I remember.

  • Reply
    Janet
    July 24, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    What a beautiful photo of you and your sisters! Your Mum would be so proud xxx

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